Perspective

After what seems has been the snowiest winter in memory, our little corner of the world is starting to thaw out. And El Nino this week has started to bring rain rather than 3 feet of snow (whew!).

Still, I miss the sun. I am definitely a Spring and Summer fan. Particularly late Spring with it's warm, but not too hot, breezy, beautiful, blooming days.

This morning over breakfast we talked about the weather.

Daddy: Looks like it's going to be a rainy day.
Mommy: Maybe it won't rain until later or not at all (hoping for some sun and a chance for Millie to run around outside at daycare. Then I wondered what Millie was thinking...) Millie, do you want it to be rainy or sunny today?
Millie: (thinks quietly for a moment) Rainy.
Mommy: Really (perplexed)? Why?
Millie: Cause it will make the flowers grow.

Beautiful. Yet another example of how we could all occasionally use the fresh view point of a toddler. Today the rain didn't seem as gloomy as long as I could hear her little voice chirping "'Cause it makes the flowers grow." Thanks Millie.

Runaway Train

We went shopping for a new mattress-- my neck/back has started aching and my husband's back has been a mess for 6 months and it occurred to him that the last time we both were walking around like pretzels at the same time, we got a new mattress and it all got a lot better. So anyway, We went to the mattress store. It was not busy and there were maybe 3 other customers in the whole store while we were there. We took turns watching Millie while the other one of us would try a mattress. At some point Millie and daddy were somewhere while I was in another part of the store talking about mattresses with the salesman. Daddy told me about this exchange after we had left the store...

Two of the other people in the store were two African-American women who looked like they were in their late 30s/early 40s. One was helping the other pick a mattress. At some point Millie ran past them and stopped and looked at one:

Millie: You have big lips.

I know! Collective gasp of horror, right? At this point, I should point out, just in case you don't know me personally, that yours truly is also African-American. Her father is Caucasian. Now, back to our runaway train...

Woman: (Decides to ignore her and says nothing).
Millie: (getting closer) You have big lips.
Woman: (Trying to ignore her, says nothing).
Millie: (Wondering if she maybe needs to clarify) DO you have big lips?
Daddy: (Watching in silent slow-motion-train-wreck horror-- wracks his brain to figure out if there is ANYTHING a white guy could say right now that would be ok.)
Woman: (Finally realizing that Millie will NOT be ignored, answers.) Yes. I do.

Millie thinks for a moment in silence, then says...

Millie: They are BEE-YOO-TIFUL!

Immense collective sigh of relief SWEEPS though the showroom.

Woman: Thank you.
Woman's friend laughs a huge laugh of relief as well and everyone smiles and moves on.

Hm, looks like it's time for Mommy and Daddy to come up with the right way to reign in Millie's social chatter in public.

_____________________________________________________

That was the original end of the story. After discussing the incident with friends all this raises a few parental hurdles worth working out:

1) How DOES one go about teaching a very vocal 3 year old when it's ok to comment and when she should reign it in. Subtlety is a little lost on Millie. Yesterday at the mall she rode on one of the coin operated machines. When she was done another girl got on. She ran up to her waving enthusiastically and said, "BYE!! HAVE FUN!!!" and the other little girl, who looked about 5 yrs old just stared (maybe even cowered) and said nothing. Millie turned to me and said, "I said bye and she didn't say anything." I told her, "It's ok. She's just a little shy that's all." Millie said to me, a little perplexed, "Why is she shy?" She just has no idea that the world is not always ready for her level of intense interaction. In her mind, why in the world would anyone be shy?

2) How does one go about teaching your kids specifically about race. This encounter generated a great discussion for Millie's dad and I. In general, it seems that imagining in advance how you might handle such a statement, can prepare you to perhaps avoid a very painful encounter. Hashing out the pros and cons of different strategies is helpful. We were lucky that Millie ended the encounter the way she did-- but we may not always be so lucky. A friend actually shared a similar episode that did not end so well and the Internet conversation that it generated. Please see the comments for further detail. It's worth thinking about and talking about it. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Butterfly

I am an introvert and so is Millie's dad. So it's a real walk on the wild side whenever we leave the house with Millie. Somehow, despite her parents, she is an extrovert, a real social butterfly. This is what it was like for me to take her out on Friday:

Stop 1- The Public Library for story time.
Millie walked into the story time room and past all the kids and parents sitting obediently on the carpet in front of the librarian and over to the stack of folding chairs in the corner.
Millie: C'mon mom. Let's get one of the chairs.(I should mention that NONE of this is at whisper volume).
Mommy: No, Millie. Let's leave those alone and sit with the other kids on the carpet.
Millie: No, I want one of the chairs.
Mommy: Millie, you can stay if you sit on the carpet or we can go to the other room (the main library kids section).
Millie: (quietly weighing the options).
Mommy: Do you want to try sitting on my lap?
Millie: Yes.
So we sit for all of 2 minutes then she decides this story time thing is too slow.
Millie: Let's go to the other room Mommy.
Mommy: OK- let's go. (I start walking towards the door. At the door I turn around to find Millie talking to one of the other little girls in the middle of the room.)
Millie: Hey! We're going to the other room- WANNA COME? It's FUN!
Mommy: (Running back and trying to avoid all the awkward glances from the other parents. Like, "Would you please come collect your child?") C'mon Millie- she wants to stay here. Let's go. (I grab her hand and we go.)

In the other room is a computer table with two kiddie sized computers. There is a little boy sitting at one. She strides up to him:
Millie: What are you doing?
Boy: I'm on the compuder.
Millie: You're doing a GOOD job. You're a GOOD boy!
Boy: You can sit here (pointing at the other chair) and I will sit here and we can do compuder.
Millie: OK!

Then they both became absorbed and engaged in trying to figure out how to use a mouse and engage with the toddler games on the screen. When it was time to go, I told Millie we had to check out all the books we had chosen. She was running around but I just couldn't see where she was. So I finally picked her up and put her on the counter while I checked out. She was ok for 2 minutes but then said, "C'mon mom. I don't wan to be here ALL DAY." Excuuuse me, yeesh, these pint-sized dictators. I told her we needed to be patient- which she was for the last minute until we were done.

Stop 2- The Grocery Store.
At the grocery store she actually sat in the cart but she chatted with the lady offering free bread samples. She got two slices and then kept talking about how she ate two loaves of bread in the store. Then in the canned goods aisle she commented loudly,
Millie: Woah- look at that guy on the LADDER. What's he DOing?
Mommy: He's putting things on the shelf.
Millie: Wow, he's working hard! (Waving to the guy) Hi!! (The guy does not wave back) He's too BUSY working HARD Mommy.
Mommy: Yes, he is. Well we're all done here. Let's leave him alone so he can work.
Millie: OK.
Before we left she explained a few of the things in our cart to the guy behind us at the checkout line. Then told him to have a nice day.

Stop 3-- The Discount Home Goods store next to the Grocery store.
Mommy: Millie you were so good at the grocery store, you can have a prize now.
Millie: A book!
Mommy: Yes, a book- any one you want (the books at this store are all under $5).
Millie: (Striding into the store) Wow. I just LOVE books!
Mommy: Yes, me too.
I started wondering if this store had a toy section that might give her incentive for potty training. We're struggling with that one a bit. She found a princess toy set with a Cinderella, a horse, and a carriage all for under $10 bucks total. I figured I'd give her each piece separately for each potty training achievement. She was so excited carrying it to the counter. At checkout she was talking with the guy behind us in line...
Millie: I got a princess and a horse and a ca-wiage.
Guy: Really? That's good.
Millie: The horse is FUN! It says NEIGH and it goes gallop-a-trot gallop-a-trot (galloping to demonstrate).
Cashier: She's a happy little thing isn't she?
Mommy: Yes, she is. Lot's of energy. OK Millie, Let's go.
Millie: (To all her fans at the cash register) BYE (with a great big wave)!

All I'm saying is, if it weren't for Millie, I would have gone to the library, the grocery store, and the discount dollar store and completed my transactions without having met all these characters. Not Millie-- she's here to take it all on and bring everyone along for the ride. ("C'MON IT'S FUN!")I honestly feel like she's on a great adventure and it is our great privilege to be selected for a front row seat.

Morning conversation

Millie was fascinated watching Daddy get ready for work this morning. This was my favorite part.

Millie: Daddy, Was dat?
Daddy: That's my razor.
Millie: What does it raise?

Holiday Highlights: Part 1- Halloween

It's been a while and so many fun holidays have passed. I've not blogged in a while, so in order to catch up I've decided to share some of the highlights that stand out in my memory. So forgive the flashback but here, for your reading pleasure, is installment 1.

Halloween:
Millie was a bumble bee. She said she wanted to be a witch or a ghost for weeks but then we got to the costume/party store and the clerk pointed out a cute little bumblebee outfit and that was IT. Once that black and yellow tutu was on and she had her antennae firmly in place- it wasn't coming off. She was mesmerized. She gazed at herself in the mirror and was dazzled into a moment of silence... Then she was off- buzzing around the store. Can you tell by the picture how awestruck she is? This is a picture I took in the dressing room. I took the picture because I just had never seen that hypnotized gaze on her before. The blur is the bumble-bee wand she's waving around.



Mommy: Ok, Millie. Time to take it off so we can buy it and take it home.
Millie: Noooooo!
Mommy: C'mon- you can keep it if you take it off. We just have to pay for it.
Millie: Nooooooooo!

I was a bit tired that day and just not ready to pin her down and fight to get it off... so I called her father.

Mommy: Hey we're at the store trying on costumes and she's in love with the bumble bee one.
Daddy: Really? I'd love to see it. I'm on my way home already but I won't be there for 20 minutes.
Mommy: That's ok. She won't let me take it off so we're not going anywhere anytime soon.

And so we hung out until daddy got there. Between her father and myself, we finally were able to convince her to take it off... but not without a few tears.

Millie: (sob) Mommy wants to take my dress away from me. It's so pretteeee.
Daddy: (On the way home) Maybe we ought to get her a couple dresses.
Mommy: Y'think?

Trick or Treating was fun. We went to a house of some friends who have a 12 yr old son who was excited about showing Millie the ropes.

Friend: First we'll go down street A, then we'll turn up street B because there are lots of houses on that street then we'll cut down street C and back around to our house.
Mommy and daddy: Uh..... Millie may not make it to the end of your block but we'll see.

She liked getting candy but she did not like spooky decorations hanging from garage doors or fog machines. Still too much for her imagination. One of the houses had music playing out front and all kinds of major scenes played out on their lawn. She did not like it though-- from now on "Hot Hot Hot" will always be known as the song of "The steamy scary house".

She also didn't quite understand why we were ringing doorbells and not going into people's homes. Nearly every home she went to she strolled into their living room or foyer after the door was opened. She met some dogs and someone's pet gecko in their living room. The gecko was cool. One neighbor asked her if she stung people. She said, "No. I just buzz." After the 4th house, she took a seat on their couch.

Mommy and Daddy: Millie do you want to go home to your house now?
Millie: Yes. (Then, later, in the car on the way home) Can I go home to my hive now? The bumble bee is ti-ud.

Life with a 2 year old

We are in the thick of it-- those "Terrible Twos". Admittedly it could be worse (shudder) but it's a bit trying for everyone... including Millie.

Today I felt a little bad for her after she was being particularly difficult:

Millie: I don't want to wear a hat.
Mommy: Fine then you may be cold.
Millie: I don't want to be cold!
Mommy: Fine then wear a hat.
Millie: I don't WANT to wear a hat!

After her cold walk to the car with no hat on she said pathetically, "I want to be gooood."

It's like they don't know what to do with themselves. It made me think that sometimes she actually wants to cooperate but all the signals are getting jangled in her brain and she can't get the right choice to come out. I know parents have been through this through the millenia, but just like getting used to your newborn, it feels like we're all trying to figure it out a bit from scratch.

Parent Teacher Conference

So many little gems have passed that I don't know where to begin. So I'll just have to start with today.

Today was parent teacher conference at preschool. We lucked out again this year with great teachers in her current room- Miss Geraldine and Miss Sabiha.

The most memorable points were that the teacher says she continues to be astounded by Millie's language (maybe she'll be a writer?). It is entertaining to hear the things she says. Yesterday, as she was trying to think of what she wanted for dinner she tilted her head and said, "Hmm. What will it be she pondered. Fink fink fink." The teacher said that she loves art and science time. She looooves her books. Books have always been a powerful reward for her-- when we first started preschool she would cry at the drop-off... unless the teacher approached with a book. Then she was happy to leave our arms and settle into the teacher's lap for a story.

We did ask about.. eh hem... behavior issues. The teacher said that she really is a pleasure but at circle time she has a hard time sitting still. Unless a story is being read, she likes to hop up and listen with one ear while she checks out something new. Not hard to imagine as I did hear her daddy say to her just the other day, "You know, you don't have to be moving *all* the time." So we're going to try to work on that.

Interestingly, she said she uses the potty well at school without any fuss or having to be asked. It seems to be one of those mysterious things that happens at school that then seems to vanish at our front step... like eating cherry tomatoes or blueberries. Really- she did that? she ate that? After those reports I would rush to the grocery store and purchase said fruits or underpants only to have it hurled across the room with a cute but mocking giggle.

It's not easy dropping your kid off with strangers for a day. She loves it there though. She runs into the classroom most mornings. We debated all types of daycare when she was first born but in the end, if you can find a great preschool- you and your child are really blessed.