This is the inauguration of my blog. And- as it so happens, it coincides with the inauguration of our next president. Which has raised an interesting issue in our lives as new parents.
My husband and I are quite excited about the presidential election outcome. We went to quite an activist undergraduate institution- Oberlin. But I admit, I've probably been guilty of feeling activist by nature of knowing others who have been more active. We recycle and give money... but pretty low impact stuff.
We live close to DC and we have debated the practical logistics of actually going down to the mall and being a part of the inauguration. Before we had a kid,we may have actually debated the practicalities of such a decision for just the two of us with a lively but fun debate. If we had disagreed- I might have done my thing and let him do his thing. Now that we have a toddler- this multiplies both the Pros and the Cons of going. It will be cold-30F . It will be crowded-estimated 2 million. It could even be dangerous- 2 million cranky cold travelers. On the other hand: It is is historic. It could be amazing. We will never have this particular chance again. We will have pictures- she will be able to say she was there on the Mall on that day.
Having a partner that disagrees now turns a fun and lively debate into a passionate disagreement between two parents who both want what's best for their kid but have diametrically opposed opinions on how that is best accomplished. He says I should go alone- but for me it's about sharing this moment in history with her. What to do when one parent wants to take her somewhere that the other parent disagrees with. Legally, I think if I took her out of state or something that would be parental kidnapping. See how one disagreement in how you spend the day takes on the level of a felony when there is a child involved?So in sum:
PRE-CHILD: Parent 1: "Hey, Wanna go do something wacky?"
Parent 2: "No."
Parent 1: "Ok, I'll go on my own. See ya."
Parent 2: "Ok, Thinks to self, "Boy I love that girl and her wacky ways."
End result: Neither individual is remotely perturbed by the outcome.
POST-CHILD: Parent 1:"Hey, Wanna go do something wacky with our child?"
Parent 2: "No. Absolutely not- are you insane?!"
Parent 1: "Ok, I'm going and I'm bringing her. This is important. How could you not see that!"
Parent 2: "Go alone."
Parent 1: "No, I need to share this with her and you-- but if you refuse, I'll at least share it with her. If you deprive her of this opportunity, I don't know if I will ever forget it."
End Result: Each person is deeply hurt and disturbed by the entire discussion and wonders when the insane alien replaced their spouse.
As one friend put it: "Hmmmm...hours and hours on trains, in cold, no nap..... vs. lifelong memories of unparalleled historic event."
What to do.
Ack... I wrote a long comment and I don't think it posted. Bummer.
ReplyDeleteAnd since my guess is that I'm too late to change your mind (which ever way you're leaning), I'll just comment on what you said about the relationship changing after having a child.
ReplyDeleteI find it fascinating how the traits that one might thinks are crazy and inappropriate for a child were once the same traits that they found endearing and helped them fall in love with their spouse in the first place.
I also think it's weird how many things you just don't know about your spouse until you have kids. I didn't know Michael could still stick his foot in his mouth (literally) until Ellie came along. He didn't know that I loved rocks until he commented on how odd it was that Ellie was obsessed about rocks herself.
Sometimes it's unfortunate when things don't go like they did before the child, but it's fun to know that your relationship is still fresh enough that you're still defining how you interact with each other. At least that's my thought. =)
PS I hope you went!