Perspective

After what seems has been the snowiest winter in memory, our little corner of the world is starting to thaw out. And El Nino this week has started to bring rain rather than 3 feet of snow (whew!).

Still, I miss the sun. I am definitely a Spring and Summer fan. Particularly late Spring with it's warm, but not too hot, breezy, beautiful, blooming days.

This morning over breakfast we talked about the weather.

Daddy: Looks like it's going to be a rainy day.
Mommy: Maybe it won't rain until later or not at all (hoping for some sun and a chance for Millie to run around outside at daycare. Then I wondered what Millie was thinking...) Millie, do you want it to be rainy or sunny today?
Millie: (thinks quietly for a moment) Rainy.
Mommy: Really (perplexed)? Why?
Millie: Cause it will make the flowers grow.

Beautiful. Yet another example of how we could all occasionally use the fresh view point of a toddler. Today the rain didn't seem as gloomy as long as I could hear her little voice chirping "'Cause it makes the flowers grow." Thanks Millie.

Runaway Train

We went shopping for a new mattress-- my neck/back has started aching and my husband's back has been a mess for 6 months and it occurred to him that the last time we both were walking around like pretzels at the same time, we got a new mattress and it all got a lot better. So anyway, We went to the mattress store. It was not busy and there were maybe 3 other customers in the whole store while we were there. We took turns watching Millie while the other one of us would try a mattress. At some point Millie and daddy were somewhere while I was in another part of the store talking about mattresses with the salesman. Daddy told me about this exchange after we had left the store...

Two of the other people in the store were two African-American women who looked like they were in their late 30s/early 40s. One was helping the other pick a mattress. At some point Millie ran past them and stopped and looked at one:

Millie: You have big lips.

I know! Collective gasp of horror, right? At this point, I should point out, just in case you don't know me personally, that yours truly is also African-American. Her father is Caucasian. Now, back to our runaway train...

Woman: (Decides to ignore her and says nothing).
Millie: (getting closer) You have big lips.
Woman: (Trying to ignore her, says nothing).
Millie: (Wondering if she maybe needs to clarify) DO you have big lips?
Daddy: (Watching in silent slow-motion-train-wreck horror-- wracks his brain to figure out if there is ANYTHING a white guy could say right now that would be ok.)
Woman: (Finally realizing that Millie will NOT be ignored, answers.) Yes. I do.

Millie thinks for a moment in silence, then says...

Millie: They are BEE-YOO-TIFUL!

Immense collective sigh of relief SWEEPS though the showroom.

Woman: Thank you.
Woman's friend laughs a huge laugh of relief as well and everyone smiles and moves on.

Hm, looks like it's time for Mommy and Daddy to come up with the right way to reign in Millie's social chatter in public.

_____________________________________________________

That was the original end of the story. After discussing the incident with friends all this raises a few parental hurdles worth working out:

1) How DOES one go about teaching a very vocal 3 year old when it's ok to comment and when she should reign it in. Subtlety is a little lost on Millie. Yesterday at the mall she rode on one of the coin operated machines. When she was done another girl got on. She ran up to her waving enthusiastically and said, "BYE!! HAVE FUN!!!" and the other little girl, who looked about 5 yrs old just stared (maybe even cowered) and said nothing. Millie turned to me and said, "I said bye and she didn't say anything." I told her, "It's ok. She's just a little shy that's all." Millie said to me, a little perplexed, "Why is she shy?" She just has no idea that the world is not always ready for her level of intense interaction. In her mind, why in the world would anyone be shy?

2) How does one go about teaching your kids specifically about race. This encounter generated a great discussion for Millie's dad and I. In general, it seems that imagining in advance how you might handle such a statement, can prepare you to perhaps avoid a very painful encounter. Hashing out the pros and cons of different strategies is helpful. We were lucky that Millie ended the encounter the way she did-- but we may not always be so lucky. A friend actually shared a similar episode that did not end so well and the Internet conversation that it generated. Please see the comments for further detail. It's worth thinking about and talking about it. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Butterfly

I am an introvert and so is Millie's dad. So it's a real walk on the wild side whenever we leave the house with Millie. Somehow, despite her parents, she is an extrovert, a real social butterfly. This is what it was like for me to take her out on Friday:

Stop 1- The Public Library for story time.
Millie walked into the story time room and past all the kids and parents sitting obediently on the carpet in front of the librarian and over to the stack of folding chairs in the corner.
Millie: C'mon mom. Let's get one of the chairs.(I should mention that NONE of this is at whisper volume).
Mommy: No, Millie. Let's leave those alone and sit with the other kids on the carpet.
Millie: No, I want one of the chairs.
Mommy: Millie, you can stay if you sit on the carpet or we can go to the other room (the main library kids section).
Millie: (quietly weighing the options).
Mommy: Do you want to try sitting on my lap?
Millie: Yes.
So we sit for all of 2 minutes then she decides this story time thing is too slow.
Millie: Let's go to the other room Mommy.
Mommy: OK- let's go. (I start walking towards the door. At the door I turn around to find Millie talking to one of the other little girls in the middle of the room.)
Millie: Hey! We're going to the other room- WANNA COME? It's FUN!
Mommy: (Running back and trying to avoid all the awkward glances from the other parents. Like, "Would you please come collect your child?") C'mon Millie- she wants to stay here. Let's go. (I grab her hand and we go.)

In the other room is a computer table with two kiddie sized computers. There is a little boy sitting at one. She strides up to him:
Millie: What are you doing?
Boy: I'm on the compuder.
Millie: You're doing a GOOD job. You're a GOOD boy!
Boy: You can sit here (pointing at the other chair) and I will sit here and we can do compuder.
Millie: OK!

Then they both became absorbed and engaged in trying to figure out how to use a mouse and engage with the toddler games on the screen. When it was time to go, I told Millie we had to check out all the books we had chosen. She was running around but I just couldn't see where she was. So I finally picked her up and put her on the counter while I checked out. She was ok for 2 minutes but then said, "C'mon mom. I don't wan to be here ALL DAY." Excuuuse me, yeesh, these pint-sized dictators. I told her we needed to be patient- which she was for the last minute until we were done.

Stop 2- The Grocery Store.
At the grocery store she actually sat in the cart but she chatted with the lady offering free bread samples. She got two slices and then kept talking about how she ate two loaves of bread in the store. Then in the canned goods aisle she commented loudly,
Millie: Woah- look at that guy on the LADDER. What's he DOing?
Mommy: He's putting things on the shelf.
Millie: Wow, he's working hard! (Waving to the guy) Hi!! (The guy does not wave back) He's too BUSY working HARD Mommy.
Mommy: Yes, he is. Well we're all done here. Let's leave him alone so he can work.
Millie: OK.
Before we left she explained a few of the things in our cart to the guy behind us at the checkout line. Then told him to have a nice day.

Stop 3-- The Discount Home Goods store next to the Grocery store.
Mommy: Millie you were so good at the grocery store, you can have a prize now.
Millie: A book!
Mommy: Yes, a book- any one you want (the books at this store are all under $5).
Millie: (Striding into the store) Wow. I just LOVE books!
Mommy: Yes, me too.
I started wondering if this store had a toy section that might give her incentive for potty training. We're struggling with that one a bit. She found a princess toy set with a Cinderella, a horse, and a carriage all for under $10 bucks total. I figured I'd give her each piece separately for each potty training achievement. She was so excited carrying it to the counter. At checkout she was talking with the guy behind us in line...
Millie: I got a princess and a horse and a ca-wiage.
Guy: Really? That's good.
Millie: The horse is FUN! It says NEIGH and it goes gallop-a-trot gallop-a-trot (galloping to demonstrate).
Cashier: She's a happy little thing isn't she?
Mommy: Yes, she is. Lot's of energy. OK Millie, Let's go.
Millie: (To all her fans at the cash register) BYE (with a great big wave)!

All I'm saying is, if it weren't for Millie, I would have gone to the library, the grocery store, and the discount dollar store and completed my transactions without having met all these characters. Not Millie-- she's here to take it all on and bring everyone along for the ride. ("C'MON IT'S FUN!")I honestly feel like she's on a great adventure and it is our great privilege to be selected for a front row seat.

Morning conversation

Millie was fascinated watching Daddy get ready for work this morning. This was my favorite part.

Millie: Daddy, Was dat?
Daddy: That's my razor.
Millie: What does it raise?