Sibling Comfort

This morning Millie was employing her most effective and frustrating strategy to delay getting the day started. She actually was all dressed but was stalling on coming down the stairs to get breakfast. Toddlers don't care that you need to leave the house at a certain time. They are blissfully and frustratingly unaware of the fact that the rest of the world is trying to run on a schedule.

At any rate, we are trying to employ a "Love and Logic" tool for behavior management. This is supposed to reduce stress because you 1) give the kid a choice, 2) calmly inform the child of the consequences, and if they don't comply with the choice they made, then you 3) empathize with them and 4) calmly inform them of the consequence. So this morning Millie agreed to come down the stairs after a certain time was up- let's say 2 minutes. After her two minutes were up she continued to stall. I bent the rules a little and warned her that she was about to lose her morning treat (I was supposed to just deliver the consequence immediately). Then I bent the rule further and even gave her a count of 3 to get to the stairs (all stated in a calm voice). When she ignored all the second chances I told her, "Uh-oh. It's so sad. You've lost your morning treat."

She lost it. She was so upset. I tried to hug her and say things like, "I know. It's so hard sometimes. It's so sad." She just snapped at me, "Don't touch me!" Then she would lean towards me or follow me if I tried to give her a little space- sobbing the whole time. She gets so mixed up and conflicted when she's upset. My husband tried to give her hugs and she shoved him away. So I thought to myself, if she is too upset with me and her father to be consoled- maybe she can vent to her baby sister.

She has conversations with her baby sister now several times a day. I have to speak for Baby Sister but that doesn't seem to bother Millie. She'll say, "Baby sister? Baby Sister?" I'll say, "Yes, Big Sister." She'll say, "Do you know how to crawl yet?" I'll say, "No. I don't know what that is." And she'll say, "I'll show you. You get down like dis and crawl around like dis." Then I'll say, "Thank you for showing me Big Sister. You're so smart."

So this morning, I said, "Why don't you tell baby sister what happened?" She approached me slowly, lifted my shirt up and leaned her head against my pregnant tummy, cheek to belly, and said, "Baby Sister?" "Yes Big Sister?" I replied. "Baby Sister, Mommy took away my morning treat!" said Millie. "Really?? Why?" said Baby Sister in shock. "Because I did not come downstairs when I was supposed to. And mommy counted to 3 and I did not come," explained Millie. "Oh I'm so sorry Big Sister. That is sad," said Baby Sister. Then Millie just sat there quietly leaning and cuddling with my tummy for a few minutes until she settled down.

I love the thought of the two sisters comforting each other already.