Introducing Joy

So two weeks ago we welcomed our second precious little girl into the world: Joy. Millie is in love. I had been a little worried because Millie is an energetic little one and she consumes 350% of the attention and energies of both her mommy and daddy. We were worried about how she would adjust to sharing her spotlight. So far so good though. Truly it was love at first sight.

We had our daughter 8:20pm via c-section. This was the first night ever that Millie had been away from both parents. Both grandmothers were with her at our home. The next morning I was still feeling pretty rough around all the edges but the medical team advised that I get up and into a chair. We decided that we would have Millie visit for one hour that afternoon. The nurse technician asked me, "How old is your daughter?" "Three," I answered. She said, "OK, we need to make sure you don't have too many visible tubes hanging off of you." She put the chair in the corner of the room and the IV pole behind the chair. She got permission to remove the foley catheter. I took a fresh dose of pain medicine and after half an hour of getting presentable, I finally landed in the chair and waited for Millie and the grandparents to arrive. We were advised that the baby should be in the bassinet and not in mommy’s arms so as not to provoke immediate jealousy.

Millie entered the room and came right over to me, “Hi Mommy! Hi Baby Sister!” she said to my tummy as she had been doing for the last several months. “Hey Baby Sister,” she said, ready to launch into her conversation. I interrupted- “Millie. Baby sister is not in mommy’s tummy anymore. She’s out now. She’s over there,” I said, pointing to the plastic hospital bassinet on the other side of the room. Millie sloooowly turned to see where I was pointing- then froze. Then her eyes got huge and then in a reverent, awestruck shuddering, voice she whispered “Ohh- ohhhh-ohhh!” while skipping, hopping and dancing with excitement. She put her hands on her cheeks. Her body couldn’t contain the excitement. Finally, she ran over to the bassinet and climbed on the couch next to it. She stood on the couch peering over into the bassinet and said, “Ohhhh! I love huh (her)! She’s so cute! I’m going to sing her a song…” Then Millie serenaded little Joy with Rockabye baby. Then she said, “I want to sing her another song.” She then sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

It’s been a love story ever since. Granted—it’s only been two weeks but so far so good. Every morning, Millie whispers to Joy, “I love you baby sister,” and tries to hug her. She says, “I love her little toes. I love her little eyes. I love her little cheeks.”

Two nights ago she came over to smother her with kisses and hugs and out of the blue she whispered to Joy, “I’ll always be by your side.” Neither her father nor I know where she picked up that phrase—it’s not anything we’ve ever said to her and it’s not in any songs we play. As far as we can tell, Millie, on her own, was just moved to say it. I pray that it’s true- that the two sisters will always be loving and there for each other. All I know is that, so far, Millie as a big sister is more breathtaking than ever.

Sibling Comfort

This morning Millie was employing her most effective and frustrating strategy to delay getting the day started. She actually was all dressed but was stalling on coming down the stairs to get breakfast. Toddlers don't care that you need to leave the house at a certain time. They are blissfully and frustratingly unaware of the fact that the rest of the world is trying to run on a schedule.

At any rate, we are trying to employ a "Love and Logic" tool for behavior management. This is supposed to reduce stress because you 1) give the kid a choice, 2) calmly inform the child of the consequences, and if they don't comply with the choice they made, then you 3) empathize with them and 4) calmly inform them of the consequence. So this morning Millie agreed to come down the stairs after a certain time was up- let's say 2 minutes. After her two minutes were up she continued to stall. I bent the rules a little and warned her that she was about to lose her morning treat (I was supposed to just deliver the consequence immediately). Then I bent the rule further and even gave her a count of 3 to get to the stairs (all stated in a calm voice). When she ignored all the second chances I told her, "Uh-oh. It's so sad. You've lost your morning treat."

She lost it. She was so upset. I tried to hug her and say things like, "I know. It's so hard sometimes. It's so sad." She just snapped at me, "Don't touch me!" Then she would lean towards me or follow me if I tried to give her a little space- sobbing the whole time. She gets so mixed up and conflicted when she's upset. My husband tried to give her hugs and she shoved him away. So I thought to myself, if she is too upset with me and her father to be consoled- maybe she can vent to her baby sister.

She has conversations with her baby sister now several times a day. I have to speak for Baby Sister but that doesn't seem to bother Millie. She'll say, "Baby sister? Baby Sister?" I'll say, "Yes, Big Sister." She'll say, "Do you know how to crawl yet?" I'll say, "No. I don't know what that is." And she'll say, "I'll show you. You get down like dis and crawl around like dis." Then I'll say, "Thank you for showing me Big Sister. You're so smart."

So this morning, I said, "Why don't you tell baby sister what happened?" She approached me slowly, lifted my shirt up and leaned her head against my pregnant tummy, cheek to belly, and said, "Baby Sister?" "Yes Big Sister?" I replied. "Baby Sister, Mommy took away my morning treat!" said Millie. "Really?? Why?" said Baby Sister in shock. "Because I did not come downstairs when I was supposed to. And mommy counted to 3 and I did not come," explained Millie. "Oh I'm so sorry Big Sister. That is sad," said Baby Sister. Then Millie just sat there quietly leaning and cuddling with my tummy for a few minutes until she settled down.

I love the thought of the two sisters comforting each other already.

Future Looks Bright

So we are expecting a little sibling for Millie. I am 24 weeks and clearly showing. We weren't sure when to tell Millie, but clever Millie figured it all out on her own about 2 weeks ago. A friend sent us a toddler books on having a new baby come to your house. One of them has pictures of real families. We started casually reading it every now and then along with her other stories. One day as she sat on her own, flipping through her books, she looked at the picture of the pregnant mommy, then she looked at me, then back to the pregnant mommy, then back to me... then she walked up to me and said, "Who's in there mommy?" pointing to my tummy. I looked up and said, "There's a baby in there." She didn't say anything, nodded thoughtfully, then went off to play with some other toy.

Each day though she is clearly more excited about it. In the book, one of the little children talks to the mother's belly and says, "Are you warm in there? Would you like some Cornflakes?" So last week she started coming up to me and saying to my belly, "Are you warm in there? Would you like some Cornflakes?"

This morning while getting her dressed she had a whole conversation all her own. She played both parts: "Hi baby." "Hi big sister" "Baby I can't wait to meet you." "Me too."

I may be a little hormonal, but that's enough to melt your heart.